In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
