I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
