not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
