My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
