I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
