He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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