Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
