You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
tell me about the eggs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
