how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize