A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
