I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
