You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize