Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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