Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
