I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
