Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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