Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
