I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
