Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
