Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
