Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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