i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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