Sry I called you an 8
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
