oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
