It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
