I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
