i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
