My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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