It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize