I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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