Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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