You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
