I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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