worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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