Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
