why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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