He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Terrible idea I love it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
