I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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