I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
