i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
