i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's just like the Real World with babies
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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