I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
