you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
