i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
