I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
