Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We got so high we made milksteak
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
