I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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