I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
