Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
