Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
