i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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