she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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