she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
