i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
