This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
