Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
