it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
