i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
