What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
