Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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