the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
