Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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