i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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