your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
