nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
