8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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