And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
