I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
