Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My cat gives me a boner
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
